


Chop Chop Chop

by Desrow



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, No joke this is unbeta'd crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 01:55:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3877960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desrow/pseuds/Desrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drunk Levi and The Knife Games on poor Erwin.<br/>--<br/>This is pure Crack written as a joke. Read at your own risk</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chop Chop Chop

**Author's Note:**

> I am not kidding this is just a joke fic and not representational of my writing skill or anything really other than what it is.

Notp story attempt one

Mikey: Eruri (Erwin X Levi)  
Alex: Fuck no  
Mikey: But they are wonderful together!  
Alex: Bbut  
Mikey: bby gurl you can do dis  
Alex: wtf  
Mikey: Note- Alex found a prompt for her OP3 and bailed on this for ages. Then her children got her to write it  
Alex: I ficking hate you all

You don’t bet against Hanji. You just don’t. its unknown why she won every bet she ever made but she did. But four bottles of wine later (Thank you MP wine cellars) and three days into budget talks in the capitol would drive even the sanest (in this case one Ackerman) to bet against hanji.  
‘’Leelee~! Why won’t you show me a childhood past time of yours!’’ The four eyed bitch cooed at Levi between sips  
‘’don’t call me that again shitty glasses’’  
‘’Fine clean freak’’  
‘’I bet you Nile will end up making out with Pixis’’  
‘’If it will shut you up then fine’’  
They did. End up making out that is. In a closet.  
‘’Have they came out yet?’’  
‘’No’’  
Hanji handed Levi another bottle.  
‘’I win. Game. Now’’  
Levi took out a knife and tried to stab his fingers.  
He only stabbed the wood.  
Hard.  
And Erwin just cried because he really didn’t want those hands wrecked.  
They where basically the only reason the corps still got funding  
And the only reason why he got off.  
Alex: THERE YOUR FUCKING CREEPY SHIP IS DONe  
Mikey: ALEX THAT FUCKING SUCKED YOU CAN WEITE BETTER  
Alex: ;-;  
Mikey: Description ~  
Alex: Fine. FINE  
Mikey: Uptown Funk?

Attempt two  
Levi didn’t share much about his past, so when being trapped in the capitol for budget meetings with the keys to the military polices wine cellar where in hanjis hands you knew chaos was going to go on. In this case she proceeded to get help herself to a few dozen bottles and slowly over the course of the night slipped larger doses of wine into Levi’s tea until it was just warm wine.  
‘’Hey Levi! Can you show me a game you played as a child?’’ She asked the small, slightly drunk Ackermann.  
‘’Not unless you have some unnatural will to make me then so no’’ He swayed between sips of the warm wine.  
‘’Okay. I bet you that’’ She rested her chin against her hand, brow pushed together as she taught of something  
Erwin pushed himself over to the two in the captols spinning chair, he really needed one of those back home.’’ Nile will end up making out with Pixis?’’  
‘’Yes! Levi if Nile and Pixis make out my twelve you show me a game!’’ She said jumping before running out of the shared bedroom and down the hall.  
Hanji retuned later and pushed the two down the hall to a closet.  
When the key hole was looked though guess who had whos lips on who.  
Levi needed intensive therapy after seeing this.  
\--  
‘’So you take the knife’’ Levi began, holding a locked in place pocket knife in his right hand with Erwins lefts pressed down my hanjis wrist.  
‘’ Oh, I have all my fingers’’ Levi sang before moving the blade between his beloved finger spaces.  
Erwin will deny he began to scream  
‘’ the knife goes chop chop chop’’  
Erwin screamed like a little girl.  
‘’If I miss the spaces in between, my fingers will come off’’ Levi sang, slowly incressing the spead  
‘’And if I hit my fingers, the blood will soon come out’’ Hanji cherped along  
‘’ Oh, CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP’’ They both sang in unison  
‘’WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO’’


End file.
